An Epiphany

 

A few months ago, our neighbors across the street and down a house sold their home to a family who moved in late in the summer.  The family is an ethnic minority family complete with kids, dogs, and lots of relatives and friends.  They have done a lot to improve the place, putting in a new fence for the dog in the back yard as well as other improvements both inside and out.  When I went over to introduce myself after they got settled in, I discovered that they spoke very little English, and I was reduced to gesturing as well as speaking as best I could, given my total lack of knowledge or fluency in the Spanish language.  We were on good terms, and I think we both did the best we could to introduce ourselves.

Shortly after they moved in and got settled, we started hearing them gathering in the garage, playing music rather loudly for several hours...so loudly that the bass part penetrated walls and doors.  They had several of their friends or relatives over during these times...usually on Saturday nights...and had a good time until they wrapped it up about 10:30 pm.

The dog is one of those who barks at leaves dropping from the trees as well as if we went to the mailbox to get the mail, opened our garage door, or just ventured outside for something.  He got other dogs in the neighborhood to start barking as well, and it became a chorus of barking.

For our normally quiet neighborhood, this was a rather big change for us.  We aren't used to barking dogs and booming bass coming from a garage.  I began to resent the weekly parties, and wondered if there was anything I could do to quiet the dog.  Fall came...then the holidays...and nothing seemed to change.  Our house walls seemed to not do much to quell the noise of the bass part of the music.  But they did usually stop it around bed time, for which I was thankful.

Over the weeks and few months, we would wave at each other if the opportunity arose, but that was the extent of our interaction.  The language barrier was one of the problems.  The culture barrier was another.  The music and dog issues were a third.

A few days ago, about mid afternoon,I noticed that the neighbor right next to me...not the people I've been talking about, but rather the elderly neighbor right next door...had to call the ambulance.  One of this man’s relatives showed up, went inside, then came back outside in the front yard for a cigarette break.  I knew him somewhat, so went over to ask what was going on, as we try to make sure the older gentleman is OK as best we can.  He also has caregivers that work with him so he isn’t alone.  As the older gentleman’s relative and I were talking, we also talked about the party was going on across the street.  The Hispanic neighbors had the grill out and were cooking something.  They had a table out with chairs, plates and other food and were preparing for some kind of a meal, along with the ever-present music.

The next door relative I was talking with mentioned that the noise from the music was bothering his father-in-law…the elderly man…so much that he no longer wore his hearing aids in order to help quell the noise.  The relative and I also discussed the food and party-ing that goes on pretty much weekly...talking in rather negative terms.  As I started to leave that conversation with the older man’s relative, I had an epiphany.  I decided to go across the street and ask about the food they were cooking.

So, walking toward the house, when I got their attention, I made an eating motion.  Someone met me who spoke English, and I asked what they were cooking.  They showed me brats, hush puppies, and other stuff that I wasn't sure what it was.  They asked if I wanted to stay and eat, and got a chair for me along with a bottle of beer.

I refused the chair and beer, but mentioned the brats and hushpuppies...the only two things that I recognized.  They put a few of each on a paper plate, gave it to me, and asked me again to stay.  Saying I was taking the food to my wife, which technically was true, I thanked them profusely and went back home.  Before I left, though, I picked up a brat and took a bite…it was indeed wonderful, and I said so.

Once home with the brats, I decided to reciprocate.  I loaded up some homemade sugar cookies and a slab of homemade fudge and took it over to them.  Their kids immediately gravitated to the sweets, and I came back home to help get ready for our company coming later on.

About 2 hours later, the doorbell rang.  Pat answered.  It was two of the women from the house across the street.  They had what we believe was leftovers...but good leftovers...a couple of those things I didn't know what was when I was there earlier.  Turns out it was seafood fixed Mexican style.

OK, I tell you this story to say this.  Following my interaction with the neighbors who had the loud bass, it was amazing that I no longer was resentful of their music or their party.  In fact, it's almost 10:30 pm right now as I write this, and I can hear the bass from our basement.  My demeanor has changed completely toward these people...just with the interactions we had today with the exchange of food.  No longer am I resentful of their music.  The barking dog...well, that remains to be seen.  I think the dog barks because he is generally ignored most of the time.  Hopefully, that will eventually change.

This may well be a prime example of how relationship…even relatively superficial relationship, can change one’s opinion of another and foster a more, shall we say, peaceful way of life.  What I did was nothing special.  But it was an acknowledgement of a way of life that I wasn’t familiar with, and the expression of a desire to be civil and cordial.

Now, if I can only expand that “civil and cordial” thing to other areas of life and livin where people tend to grate on me in unpleasant ways or have habits or ways of life I’m not familiar with, maybe…just maybe I can remove some of the stress, hard feelings, and anger from my life.  And it may take nothing more than an “epiphany” to reach out in some way.  Besides, I may just score some good food while I’m at it.

 

Blessings.

There's a lesson here, and I think it's fairly obvious what it is.  Relationships...even the beginning of relationships...make a difference in how we see and think about others.  Until I went over today to ask about the food, we had no relationship.  Now we at least are on speaking terms, and we know that the other is friendly and open for interaction.  The resentment is gone.  Hopefully, we will be able to live together in this neighborhood for many years to come, continuing to foster the relationship between neighbors and cultures.