A Thanksgiving Encounter

 It isn't unusual for someone to call our church office during the week and ask for some kind of benevolent help. I am usually the one who handles such calls. Wednesday was no exception. Our office manager forwarded a call to me from a woman who we will call Norma who was asking for blankets, pull-ups for her toddler, and possibly some fuel for her vehicle so she could get to work.

I took the call and visited with Norma a bit, asking her what she needed. After she told me, I explained that we didn't have any pull-ups or blankets at the church, but that our food pantry might have those items. However, the pantry is open only on Mondays and Tuesdays. I told her I would give her information on the pantry hours and location, then asked her about her need for fuel.

Norma said she worked at a local industry on the assembly line (not aircraft or any business connected with aircraft). I knew from experience that this business paid somewhat better than unskilled labor, but not much. In fact, it wasn't unusual for us to help someone who worked at that business with fuel.. She said she was off work today, but needed to go in tomorrow at 6am and didn't have the gas to make it to work or the money to buy it..

We only recently re-started our benevolent program after having to suspend it due to a lack of funds. I told her we could help with fuel, and explained that I usually met the person at a Quick Trip or Dillons and pumped the gas for them. We made arrangements to meet in a few minutes at a station and I left the building to pump the gas.

Arriving at the Quick Trip, I met a short, somewhat heavy-set woman with short hair, wearing a light jacket. Her vehicle was about twenty years old, dented up and with a bungee cord holding the passenger door together. As I pumped the gas, we visited. Norma said she had completed her GED, and had also just received a certificate that would enable her to perform more skilled tasks at work. She said her little one was three years old and, I presume since she needed pull-ups was in the middle of potty training. She seemed to be pretty much on top of things, but just needed a little help in the present.

My normal procedure in such encounters is to not only pump gas but also offer ten or twenty dollars church cash for whatever they might need, and to give them a bit more dignity for awhile. I asked Norma how much pull-ups would cost. She told me that the box she normally buys was around twenty five dollars, but she could buy a smaller box for less money if necessary. I had twenty dollars in church cash with me and offered it to her.

The look and attitude of being “on top of things” quickly evaporated from her face and I could tell she was becoming emotional. I then quickly thought that the twenty dollars probably wouldn't be enough for the pull-ups, and as she was thanking me for the money, I told her to wait. I pulled out my wallet and gave her another twenty for not only pull-ups but also for some other thing she might need. At that, her face cratered, so to speak, and sobbing she thanked me profusely and asked if she could give me a hug.

I agreed, and as we were hugging, she continued to embrace me and tell me that her daughter had been born premature, had spent a lot of time in the Nic-U, had had medical issues in her short lifetime, but was doing OK at least for now at age 3. She also told me she had just recently gotten out of an abusive relationship and was in the process of healing and recovery from that. Norma again expressed her appreciation to the church for the tank of gas and the financial help.

I gave her information on our food pantry along with some advice on what to ask for when she goes there. We parted then, she going her way and I going mine.

I don't often do this, but will follow up with Norma in a couple of days to see how she is doing. She expressed interest in the church, and as I don't think on my feet very well, I didn't follow up on that statement. I will when I contact her again. I will also tell her of another place that may have some things she might need that I hadn't thought to tell her when we met at the Quick Trip, again because I don't think well on my feet.

I tell you this rather long story to say that these kinds of encounters truly amaze me for a number of reasons. The first is the number of people who do not have the financial means to even buy a tank of gas or diapers for a child. There are many...many people “out there” who are surviving on little more than a wish and a hope. They work hard...by far the great majority are just like Norma. They have a job that pays, but not enough for a middle class life. They struggle mightily with the basics...shelter, food, heat, and transportation. They don't have the funds for hygiene items or even coffee or a soft drink at at Quick Trip.

Second, I am blown away by the number of people who are in or have gotten out of abusive relationships or relationships that aren't beneficial or loving. Norma is yet another one who has been taken advantage of and suffers, I'm sure, from feelings of worthlessness, depression, and guilt. She may well be a walking mental health case.

Third, I am surprised still by the things people will tell me...someone they do not know, have never met before, and may never encounter again. Norma told me things after the wall of confidence cracked apart that she had been holding in and may well have not told very many others about. And she did so in a public place, outside, at a gas station. I even heard a couple of the specific physical things her abuser did to her. We just stood there holding each other for a minute or so as it spilled out of her. Although I've done this numerous times before, the hug thing was becoming somewhat embarrassing to me, yet I didn't want to dissuade her from saying her piece or physically push her away from me. She didn't need any more indignity or rejection heaped upon her.  And, that moment was powerful for us both, I believe.

What do I make of all of this? I still, after years of doing this, don't have the answers. I don't even know with certainty what questions to ask or who to ask them of. How do people get into these life situations? Is it generational? What do they need to do to get out of their multiple predicaments? Is there any hope that they will be able to do so, or are they too far down to rise above it all? What about the role of society? Are we asking the right questions and working to provide the right answers? How do we know if we are or aren't? Is there an ultimate answer of some kind, or will we always have people who I sometimes describe as a train wreck? What should be the Christian response? Do I need to go through the WWJD exercise yet again? How do we respond as a church, and are we responding as we should as the people of God? And those questions are just the beginning.

And then I look at my life. I can pay the bills. I am warm, fed, clothed, and have access to medical and dental care. I will sleep in a comfortable bed in relative safety tonight. I have cash in my wallet, a large line of available credit, and money in the bank. My fuel tank is full. I have loving family and friends. My blessings are innumerable and overwhelming. And then the questions start again. With all of the blessings that are mine, what are my obligations to those without? And one more time, WWJD? How do I help, but not enable? Am I a Good Samaritan, or am I a priest or levite who moves to the other side of the road away from the one who is hurting?

Maybe you ask those kinds of questions also. Maybe not. It is, however, my hope that your reading this will prompt you to think...and to act. Blessings.