I Don't Do Movies

 

Good morning.  It is indeed Thursday again.

 OK.  Let’s get this out into the open.  I don’t do movies.  That’s right, I’m one of about 200 people in all of the United States who doesn’t do movies.  Oh, I’ve been to theaters and seen some, and I’ve watched some at home, but by and large I don’t do movies.  I couldn’t tell you who the stars of the screen are now, or even the past 30 or so years; nor can I tell you any of the latest movies…or even movies from last year, the year before, or even before that.

And I’m OK with that.  The wife is a little unsettled at my reluctance to attend a theater with her, and I often will do anything but turn the TV channel to a movie if I can help it.  I do watch some of the really old ones on TCM such as Casablanca, Stagecoach, Bringing Up Baby, or The Bridge On the River Kwai.  And the John Wayne movies are always good to watch.  But today’s fare for the most part is really not my thing.

I’ve often wondered why movies aren’t my thing.  I like stories.  I usually have the time to watch them.  Finances aren’t an issue with our going to the theater.  And I know the wife likes to go to the movies from time to time.  So, what’s going on here?

I’ve thought about the answer to that question for years.  The result?  I probably don’t like most movies for the same reason I won’t watch most TV shows anymore, especially the dramas, cop shows, etc.  I really don’t need any more drama or real life adventure in my daily life, and watching these things only inserts that drama into it.  I have enough reality in what I see, hear, and do each day without having to insert some kind of manufactured reality into my day in order to somehow feel fulfilled or complete.  Nor am I in any kind of competition with anyone else to see the latest movie or take in the latest TV show.  I have no need to validate my social standing by letting people know that I saw this or that flick the moment it came out.  Nor do I have need to know the latest Hollywood gossip.  I couldn’t care less.

I guess most of this kind of attitude came about as a result of my work in health care, and especially in EMS.  Over the fifteen or so years I was an EMT, and in my in-hospital work, I saw enough “reality” to last more than a lifetime.  Often in the course of that career, when I was off duty after a particularly difficult day, all I wanted to do was sit in a dark, quiet room for a time.  At the time, I thought that the things I had witnessed…the automobile wrecks, the suicides, the falls, the code blues, the deaths, the grief of loved ones, and the reality of “life will never again be as it has been,” hadn’t changed me in any material way, but I was wrong.  I made more ambulance runs than I can count.  I worked alongside nurses, respiratory therapy, and physicians in the emergency room.  I estimate that I’ve seen about three dozen humans breathe their last.  I knew most of those I helped care for, and often knew their families as well.

I don’t say those things to make myself look good or to solicit any kind of compassion.  I don’t need any of that.  I say them to bolster the thought that it was that time in my life when I began to realize that manufactured reality was not something I needed.  And that thought has continued to this day.

Even now I continue to see suffering in the form of the homeless, those in poverty, those who are addicted, the mentally ill, the down-and-out.  I don’t see it constantly, but as someone who works with benevolence in an urban, downtown church, all of that and more comes to the office door in the course of a month.

So, if you enjoy movies and TV shows, good for you.  There’s nothing wrong, as such, with participating in those things.  I would counsel you, however, to be selective in what your mind takes in and how it affects your life, living, and relationships.  And cut me some slack when I can’t visit about the cop drama that was on TV last night or the movie that came out over the weekend.  I’m just not in to that, thank you, and I’m doing fine without it.

 

Blessings,

The Little Things

 

My wife and I recently received a card in the snail mail.  I could tell from the return address who it was from and wondered why we were getting a card of any kind from her.  We hadn't given her any kind of gift.  Nor did we celebrate some anniversary or birthday recently.  When I opened the envelope, I saw that it was a thank you card.  That made me even more curious as to why we were receiving a thank you card from her.  The answer was in what she wrote on the inside.

“I'm trying to get caught up on thank you cards!  About eight years ago you two very kindly took me to lunch at Red Lobster.  I've thought about that lunch many, many times over the years and I truly cannot express how much your kindness meant to me.  I do not look back on that time of my life with much joy, but these moments of kindness kept me going when I was not sure I could.  So, thank you!  Sorry it took me eight years to express this.”

Well, I honestly don't remember taking this woman to the Red Lobster or anywhere else.  I will have to presume we did, as that is sometimes where we go on Sunday noon when it's just the two of us.  But it is the message that really struck me.

I do know that she was going through a hard time back then.  Her husband had filed for divorce, going off with another woman.  They had just both lost their jobs...that is they had been terminated...not that far back from the divorce situation, and things didn't look good, especially for a newly-single woman.  My wife and I could relate because although we weren't in a divorce situation, we both had lost jobs in the recent past from termination, although by the time of our lunch with her we had gained employment.  I presume we talked about that and encouraged her in whatever ways we could at the time.

I tell you this story in order to say this:  One never knows what an act of kindness...even one so mundane as buying lunch for someone else...may accomplish.  If you go back to her comments, you will notice that she had been thinking about that lunch quote “many, many times over the years.”  Unquote.  And then she says, “These moments of kindness kept me going when I was not sure I could.”

It is a privilege to know that something we did for someone apparently paid big dividends far beyond any discomfort or financial loss that may have occurred in doing what we did.  We don't always know when we have touched someone like this.  In fact, we most of the time DON'T know how what we do affects others and what kind of ripples down the road of time are created by what we do.  So it's nice to get a card like this that expresses some of that.

I don't know what your situation is in life.  Some of you may be able to eat at Red Lobster or some other nicer place without having to worry about whether you can afford it.  Others of you may barely have enough resources to squeeze by the month.  But you don't need to be well-to-do in order to be kind to someone who may be going through a difficult period in life.  A phone call, a card in the mail, some kind words when you are with them...or maybe some homemade cookies, bread, or other goodies...the instrument of the kindness isn't important.  What IS important is that you cared enough to do whatever it is you've done.  You were concerned enough that you spent time and energy on their behalf.  You thought of them.  You prayed for them.  You encouraged them.  You helped bear their burden.  You validated their humanity and the inherent dignity and respect that goes with that humanity.  You were a friend when they needed one.

It isn't rocket science to figure out what you might be able to do and who may need what you can do.  Find someone in the next 7 days that you could encourage or build up.  Find someone who could use a friend.  Find someone who needs someone to share a burden.  And then step up in kindness toward that person.  You may never know how much you will change the world with your actions.

An Old Crisis

 I know someone right now…I’ll call him Brad…who is in the middle of not only a mental health crisis, but also is trying to navigate the incredibly complicated world of insurance, placement, and treatment at the same time.  Brad not only is clinically depressed; he also has had suicidal thoughts and has begun at least once to act on those thoughts.  He has a provider, is on prescribed medications, has insurance, and recognizes that he needs help.  Those things alone are much more than many of the mentally ill have.  Brad’s checked himself into an area mental health treatment facility more than once and is there now.

Brad is a single man who has parents living, and in fact lives with his parents.  His parents aren’t much help, generally disbelieving in mental health issues and saying that he soon will “snap out of it.”  His ex wife and her family are very concerned for Brad and are helping him as best they can from the distance of an ex-in-law family.

As I said earlier, Brad is now in an area treatment facility that is a short-term placement.  His insurance is covering a short term stay, but will not go farther with this facility.  Brad needs to check in to a facility for a long-term treatment plan.  He is willing to do so and knows he needs to do so.  There is only one such facility that is appropriate for him in Kansas.  But according to those working with him, it may be weeks before all of the paperwork, permission from his insurance, and an open available bed come together.

The big question is, what is Brad going to do between now and some nebulous time in the future when a bed may become available for him?  Go back home to his parents, who believe he doesn’t have a genuine health issue?  Find a friend to live with?  Go it on his own, hoping either he or someone else will stop him from carrying out his suicidal tendencies?

Mental health care, not only in Kansas, but nationwide, is and has long been in crisis mode.  Far too many mentally ill people are living on the streets.  Far too many mentally ill people cannot get the care they need.  Far too many mentally ill people have to somehow navigate the incredibly complex world of insurance, medical records, facility beds, transportation, and other issues at the same time they are in the midst of some kind of mental health crisis.

There are thousands of Brads just in the Wichita metropolitan area, to say nothing of nationwide.  When, in heaven’s name, are we going to recognize our responsibility as a society to care for these moms, dads, sons, daughters, grand children, grand parents, aunts, and uncles?  When are we going to prioritize mental health as we do entertainment & leisure, social media, and accumulation of wealth?

I don’t know the answers.  I’m not even sure of the questions anymore.  But I am certain that Brad and those like him will continue to receive no care or substandard care for the foreseeable future.  And for that, other than advocate for change, all I can do is say, I am so sorry.

Change the World

 

My wife and I recently received a card in the snail mail.  I could tell from the return address who it was from and wondered why we were getting a card of any kind from her.  We hadn't given her any kind of gift.  Nor did we celebrate some anniversary or birthday recently.  When I opened the envelope, I saw that it was a thank you card.  That made me even more curious as to why we were receiving a thank you card from her.  The answer was in what she wrote on the inside.

“I'm trying to get caught up on thank you cards!  About eight years ago you two very kindly took me to lunch at Red Lobster.  I've thought about that lunch many, many times over the years and I truly cannot express how much your kindness meant to me.  I do not look back on that time of my life with much joy, but these moments of kindness kept me going when I was not sure I could.  So, thank you!  Sorry it took me eight years to express this.”

Well, I honestly don't remember taking this woman to the Red Lobster or anywhere else.  I will have to presume we did, as that is sometimes where we go on Sunday noon when it's just the two of us.  But it is the message that really struck me.

I do know that she was going through a hard time back then.  Her husband had filed for divorce, going off with another woman.  They had just both lost their jobs...that is they had been terminated...not that far back from the divorce situation, and things didn't look good, especially for a newly-single woman.  My wife and I could relate because although we weren't in a divorce situation, we both had lost jobs in the recent past from termination, although by the time of our lunch with her we had gained employment.  I presume we talked about that and encouraged her in whatever ways we could at the time.

I tell you this story in order to say this:  One never knows what an act of kindness...even one so mundane as buying lunch for someone else...may accomplish.  If you go back to her comments, you will notice that she had been thinking about that lunch quote “many, many times over the years.”  Unquote.  And then she says, “These moments of kindness kept me going when I was not sure I could.”

It is a privilege to know that something we did for someone apparently paid big dividends far beyond any discomfort or financial loss that may have occurred in doing what we did.  We don't always know when we have touched someone like this.  In fact, we most of the time DON'T know how what we do affects others and what kind of ripples down the road of time are created by what we do.  So it's nice to get a card like this that expresses some of that.

I don't know what your situation is in life.  Some of you may be able to eat at Red Lobster or some other nicer place without having to worry about whether you can afford it.  Others of you may barely have enough resources to squeeze by the month.  But you don't need to be well-to-do in order to be kind to someone who may be going through a difficult period in life.  A phone call, a card in the mail, some kind words when you are with them...or maybe some homemade cookies, bread, or other goodies...the instrument of the kindness isn't important.  What IS important is that you cared enough to do whatever it is you've done.  You were concerned enough that you spent time and energy on their behalf.  You thought of them.  You prayed for them.  You encouraged them.  You helped bear their burden.  You validated their humanity and the inherent dignity and respect that goes with that humanity.  You were a friend when they needed one.

It isn't rocket science to figure out what you might be able to do and who may need what you can do.  Find someone in the next 7 days that you could encourage or build up.  Find someone who could use a friend.  Find someone who needs someone to share a burden.  And then step up in kindness toward that person.  You may never know how much you will change the world with your actions.

Keep On

 

 In June of this year, I told you about my friend Rebecca…a person who was my classmate throughout our school days, and with whom I reconnected a few years ago at the memorial services for her mother in our hometown.  I hadn’t heard much out of Rebecca in the past weeks, so I emailed her to ask if everything was OK.  As you may recall, Rebecca has been battling MS for over 20 years, and because of that physically is nothing like she was in earlier life.  She is an academic, and to my knowledge still teaches some using on line resources.

 Well, she responded to me a couple of days later.  Yes, everything is OK.  Because of the MS and the medications she has to take, her immune system is greatly compromised.  The vaccination for COVID will, in all probability, never cause her to develop antibodies, and if she catches the illness, it would be an almost certain death sentence.  The first line of her return email to me reflects that reality.  She writes, “I feel like a frustrated prisoner these days.  I have lost all sympathy or empathy for the unvaccinated.”  Whatever your viewpoint on vaccinations, I’m sure you can understand her point of view.

 So, what does someone with long term chronic MS who can’t go out anywhere because of a severely compromised immune system do with her spare time?  Well, if that someone is Rebecca, she signs up for chemical biology and immunology courses with Rice University with the goal of completing a course of study, and becoming knowledgeable enough about what is going on with her body in that field of knowledge to contribute to the ongoing discussions in that area by researchers, physicians, and others, especially as it relates to MS and related chronic conditions.

 I don’t know about you, but I am nowhere nearly as physically compromised as she is.  Yet going back to school for some kind of advanced degree isn’t even on my lowest priority bucket list, let alone go for an advanced degree in an area of study that is completely foreign to me which might help me better understand the osteoarthritis I have or perhaps some other thing related to my existence.  In fact, when I finally obtained my undergrad degree in my mid 40’s, my advisor recommended I go on for an MBA.  I politely declined and have never regretted that decision.  I’m not anti-advanced education; I just have too much I’ve not yet done in life that I want to do, to carve out time for that.

 I greatly admire people like Rebecca who “keep on keeping on,” as the saying goes.  I told her that she inspired me…not to go back to school, but to continue in life and living as fully and completely as I can.  I only have to begin a pity party for myself when I think of her and others I know who are in much more difficult straits than I am in, and I quickly realize it’s time to put away the party stuff and get back into life.

 I don’t know where you are in life.  I don’t know if you are having some kind of chronic issue, whether medical or something else.  I don’t know if you are young or older.  I don’ know your beliefs regarding God, religion, and so on.  But I do know that regardless of all of that, the human condition generally has always been one of pressing on.  For a guy named Paul, who wrote much of the New Testament, that was also his mantra.  Here’s what he said about that:  “This one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

For Paul, that prize was the eternal hereafter in the presence of God and the reward for Paul’s faithfulness in this life.  Above all else, this should be our goal as well as we press on in our daily lives…keeping on keeping on…as we count our days with gratitude and thanksgiving.

 Blessings.