I am posting this because of a comment made by my sister on FB regarding her brain being full and it's only Tuesday. Several years ago, I wrote a column for the Hays Daily News when we lived out that way. What is below is one of those columns. It uses an email my sister mailed to some of us regarding a "brain change." Read and enjoy.
We are turning into a nation of old people. Life expectancy is as high as it's ever been (except in the Garden of Eden), people are healthier, and life is generally good, or at least tolerable for most of us who are over 50. The one thing that there seems to still be a problem with is the capacity of the human brain to keep up, at times, with life and the culture around us older folks. So we tend to make our own lives and culture in which there is a palpable deliberation in our lives. We take more time to go to the store, go to the bathroom, go to the church…just about everything we do takes awhile. And while the youngsters around us become frustrated at our deliberate pace, we tend to dig in our heels even more.
We can transplant hearts, livers, teeth, lungs, and who knows what else. We can fix our eyes, ears, and other assorted parts of our bodies with assorted parts gleaned from laboratories, pigs, and organ donors. One area, however, has remained rather off-limits. We still have no clue how to transplant a brain or get new memory.
I have two sisters. One lives in Michigan and the other lives in the other end of Kansas. (I also have three brothers, but that is beside the point for this column.) We all communicate rather frequently by means of email and an internet messenger service.
Not long ago, my sister in Michigan discovered that her computer needed more memory in order to operate a genealogy program she wanted to use. Her old PC, which runs Windows95, needed an update in the RAM memory area. Yes, I know. They don't support the 95 version any more and she needs a new computer. They are raising small children and just can't quite afford that right now, so she opted for the memory upgrade.
She removed her one memory stick, took it to the Office Max place nearby, and asked for more memory similar to what she brought in. After some conversation with the nice computer teenager at the store, in which there was evidently mention made of "old" and "outdated", the nice computer teenager found a memory stick that would work in her machine. She took it home, installed it without incident, and now has an old PC running on a WIN95 platform that does everything she wishes to do. The stick cost her $10.
She wrote to my sister in Kansas by email, explaining the process of opening up the PC and removing and installing the stick, a first for her. My sister in Kansas, bless her soul, is always quick of wit and penned the following response to Sister Linda in Michigan. And since there's no way on God's green earth I can improve on what she wrote, I'll sign off and let you read it for yourself without further comment from me.
And Linda, heavens. Installing memory! Wish we humans could do that…can you imagine taking your spouse in to the "Human Max" store:
"Can I help you?"
"Yes, I need some new memory here for this brain." (Opens skull, removes corroded memory stick.)
"Hmmm. That's an old one there! They don't even make those anymore! Frank! Come and look at this!"
"Wow, Mr. Bass, you've got a real antique there!"
"Well, she quit working a week ago, just sputtered and konked out as she was trying to remember the recipe for biscuits and gravy. What can you fix me up with? I'm starving!"
(Checking parts list...) "Looks like we can fix you up with a Super Duper Memory Capacity Chip-it'll run you about $300.00. You want us to install it?"
"Yeah, and can you also install the backup files? I need her to remember that I got her flowers for our anniversary 53 years ago."
"No problem. Can you leave her with us for a couple of hours?"
"Yeah, but I'm getting an entire brain replacement myself in a couple of weeks. Call me if I don't show up to get her in a few days!"
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