I was going to write about a comment I heard on the news from a woman in Colorado, I think, who lost her home in a forest fire. I will do that, but not now. I just found out today that some friends who had been members at our church, but moved their membership some time ago, are new foster parents with the state foster care system. They have no children of their own and this is a new experience for them. The wife has written about their adventures these past seven weeks as foster parents on a blog.
As foster parents ourselves, I wanted to encourage them and even possibly be somewhat helpful. I sent what follows in a “thinking of you” card to them today.
Grant and Vanessa:
I didn’t know until today that you were foster parents with the state system. Congratulations to you for jumping through the hoops to become licensed, and welcome to a world of brokenness unlike any world you have seen before. Even if you have experience working with broken kids and families, foster parenting brings a perspective on this aspect of society that is virtually unknowable through any other lens.
We too were foster parents with the state before we became “real” parents. That was well over 30 years ago and some things have changed; the broken people do not. We were foster parents to both smaller children as well as teenagers (not being much older than teenagers ourselves). I’ll not bore you with stories and details, but write this to let you know we share your experience, emotion, joy and pain in ways most people cannot.
Some thoughts at random:
You will continue to wonder, at times, why you are doing this. That’s normal. Just don’t dwell on it too long, or take great pains to answer it.
You will think you’ve seen it all regarding broken people and families. Then something will come up that will overwhelm you with first time disbelief and the desire to deny the reality of the situation. Don’t obsess about it; rather get busy working with God to restore His creation.
You will never, ever forget those you care for. You will, even 35 years later, tear up when looking at the one and only photo you may have of a certain child.
You will probably never, ever hear from or know any updates about any of the children who were in your care and are now gone on. Even 35 years later, you will wonder where they are now, what happened to them, and whether or not they remember you.
The State has virtually no concerns regarding the bonding that takes place in a foster family between caregiver and those cared for. When it’s time to go, it’s time to go. Your opinions, although they may indeed be solicited and heard, carry little if any weight.
Guardian ad litem attorneys and juvenile/family judges sometimes severely disappoint. You may even wonder how they got to the positions they have attained. The system isn’t perfect.
The cloak of privacy rights covers a multitude of sins on the state level. You won’t be told everything. You won’t be told some things you will need to know. Be open and aware with new placements of needs and issues not told you by the state.
You will not make any money doing this. In fact, you will spend far more than you receive at times. That’s a fact of life.
You will give your hearts to these children; yet God will supply plenty of heart to more than make up what you’ve given away. There will really be enough to go around.
Know that you have a “great cloud” of folks who have gone before you who are surrounding you with love and encouragement.
Remember the special love of Jesus for those who are helpless, abandoned, sick, injured…those who society treads on, casts out, ignores, and exploits. Imitate Jesus in caring for “the least of these” and know that vengeance on those who commit these atrocities against these little ones will be sure and just. Know also that vengeance is not your job. Imitating Jesus is your job.
Jay and Pat
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