I am facebook friends with one of my teachers from
elementary and high school. She’s well
up in years, but still active and in relatively good health. She posted this evening that she would be off
line for a short time while she packs and moves from a home into independent
living.
I responded to her with good wishes, and called her by her
last name in my post. I just didn’t feel
comfortable calling her by her first name, even after almost 50 years have
passed since she was my teacher.
It has been that way for me my entire life. When we moved back to Harper County some
years ago, there were several retired teachers of mine still living, and a
principal as well. I could never bring
myself to call any of them by their first names at any time for any
reason. It just didn’t seem right to me
then, and it still doesn’t seem right to me now.
I wonder if anyone else has this hang up. I know there is no longer the teacher-pupil
relationship, and goodness knows I’m no spring chicken anymore. I’ve long since raised our kids, and have
grandkids in school. But for some reason…
I suppose it has something to do with an ingrained sense of “oughtness”
that makes me do it. It also could be
the continuing respect I have for these people who gave up the best years of
their lives so I could have an education and make something of myself. Or it could be that nagging thing in the back
of my head that tells me that my mom and dad might just come back from the
grave and give me the what-for if I called these people anything besides what I
am supposed to call them.
Respect is a multi-faceted thing. It’s a function of an office, position, or
occupation that someone holds. It’s also
a function of ability, competence, and willingness to do. And it’s a function of the kind of life lived…a
life of giving, service, deference, and yes, love for fellow-man.
Respect is earned. It’s
also ingrained into position or office.
And it depends on relationships that either foster a continuing respect,
or dampen any ingrained respect one may have for another.
I also tend to call those I don’t know well “sir” or “ma’am.” I didn’t grow up that way, but developed the
habit over the course of time; especially since I spent a lot of my career in
business and industry that is primarily female-driven (health care). It was necessary for me to show respect for
those I worked with, and maintain a business-like attitude and demeanor. That seemed like a good way to foster that
kind of relationship.
I don’t know if we’re becoming more crude as some people
seem to think or not. I do know that it
never hurts to be respectful and polite.
It never hurts to acknowledge the individual and his or her self-worth. And it never hurts to continue to show
respect long after the relationship changes in some way.
It’s worth considering.
2 comments:
I know how you feel, Jay. There's a family who we became friends with 12-13 years ago and since I was a teenager, I called the parents Mr. and Mrs. Their youngest daughter is only a few years older than Josiah but even now when I see them, it doesn't feel right calling them by their first names.
I think there are benefits from being less formal in our society but I think all children should still be taught to refer to their elders as Mr. and Mrs. or Miss.
I agree, Jay. Even my kids' teachers, many of whom were cute young things right out of college and twenty or more years my junior were always referred to by me as "Miss" or "Mrs," even when there were no kids within earshot.
Dara, I taught my kids the same--men who they were not related to were "Mr. Dave," and women were either "Miss Sharlene" or some of their older married cousins became, for example, "Aunt Misty."
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