A few days ago, I found out that a relative of mine, a
cousin, has spent the past five years or so in an abusive relationship that
culminated earlier this year in the suicide of the abuser during an attempt by
law enforcement to take him into custody on outstanding warrants. My cousin had married this man, who had
managed to hide his abusive nature from both her and her parents and family during
the courtship. They had children
together. Now she is a divorced widow
and her kids have no father. Her life is
not at all what she or the family envisioned some years ago. Even with all of the trauma this man brought
to her, she is grieving the multiple losses and trying to piece life back
together for herself and her children.
It’s a herculean task.
That same day I received a call from a woman we have helped
from time to time with food and other needs.
She has been in poor health recently, with uncontrolled diabetes, a mass
in her brain, other medical issues, and is grossly overweight as well as
disabled. In that call, she informed me
that she also had one leg that had swollen to twice normal and is
infected. She had gone to the emergency
room, but was dismissed because no bed was available for her due to COVID. Because no bed was available, she could not
receive IV antibiotics. She was given
oral antibiotics instead which have to date not helped. She has no transportation of her own and is
dependent on others for pretty much everything.
She is not sure what to do and is going pretty much hour by hour, day by
day.
I also got a call that day from another woman we help some
who has been in the hospital on and off for a couple of weeks with uncontrolled
diabetes. They are wanting to move her
to skilled care, but she doesn’t understand what that all entails, and was
concerned that she might lose her apartment if she was in skilled care for
several months. And if she lost her
apartment, she would have to go back on a waiting list for government subsidies
and navigate the bureaucracy to try to find a home when she was released. Meanwhile, she would be essentially homeless,
possibly while in skilled care, with no place to store her personal items.
She has some cognitive and mental processing difficulties,
and in all probability the social worker who talked with her didn’t know that
and didn’t explain things to her level of understanding. We assured her that skilled care was a
temporary thing, usually just two or three weeks, and that she could keep her
apartment. Another member offered to see
that her rent was paid for September.
She seems to have a better understanding now, but is still apprehensive.
These stories are just three of the many that I hear
regularly. People who for whatever
reason are falling behind in life in some way…financially, emotionally, or
physically. Some have only fallen a
short distance, and with some effort and help get back on their feet. Others have become what some would call a
“train wreck,” and the way out for them is dark and virtually unattainable
without a massive infusion of capital and resources. Many times, no amount of resources, financial
and otherwise, are enough to mold that person into what society expects. There’s just too much damage that has been
done in terms of abusive relationships, childhood neglect, lack of proper
education, cultural upbringing, inability to adequately mentally process one’s
circumstance, physical disability, lack of cognitive ability, and sometimes
what many would call just plain bad luck.
It is these people…the people behind stories such as
these…that I most think about and am concerned for. I encounter these people in my work with the
church. Each time I leave such an
encounter I am amazed and bewildered by the massiveness of the issues they face
daily…hourly. They battle constantly to
stay alive, to keep their nose above water, and to provide for whatever family
they may have. They navigate the often
byzantine labyrinth of government aid programs and bureaucracies. They endure the indignity of being refused
help by non-profits and NGO’s because they don’t meet some qualification or
have some kind of paperwork.
They are constantly on the search for help for the immediate
need…today…this afternoon…never having the time, energy, or wherewithal to even
begin to think of future need or future plans.
Their long-term outlook stops at or before the end of the day that they
are living. Tomorrow is just a distant
fog, and safety, security, basic needs met, and good health are pipedreams that
serve only to amplify their present situation in their minds. With me, those future visions are inviting
and anticipated…pleasant thoughts of the future. With them, the future consists of sinister
apparitions that torture and put down rather than being a pleasant call to
action to achieve.
I admit that even with several years of doing this, I have
no idea how these people make their way from one day to the next, let alone one
month or year to the next. I can’t
imagine how they think or plan. I have
no clue what motivates these people to live even into the next hour, nor do I
have any comprehension of just how incredibly difficult life is for them. Yet when I interact with them, for the most
part they are pleasant, caring, asking about me and my well-being, and appear
to be at least somewhat content to have made it as far in life as they
have. They have survived. Against almost incredible and overpowering
odds, they have survived. They can truly
be called survivors.
We in the middle and upper classes don’t have a clue. We don’t now and never will fully
understand. We cavalierly take for
granted the incredible blessings we have been given. We somehow believe we deserve those
blessings, and complain loudly if any one disappears for even a short
time. We are selfish and petty. We are greedy and covetous.
I have to wonder what would happen if we lived in the shoes
of a Rocky, Arlene, Rachel, or Bobby…real people I know who live what I’ve
described every day…every hour. May we
repent of our arrogance, pride, and greed.
May we see others as Jesus himself sees them…precious souls of infinite
value.
Blessings.
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