Quick to Listen..."

 I have a sheet of paper taped to my office door.  On that letter-size sheet is a circle with the words, “Someone’s problem,” inside it.  A straight line slices through the circle, cutting off a very, very small part of it.  Next to that very, very, small part are the words, “What you know about it.”  The heading at the top of the page reads, “Why you should be kind to people.”

I see that page taped to my door each time I go in or out of the office.  I can also see it from my office chair.  It’s a frequent reminder that I don’t know nearly as much a I might think I know about a lot of different things…not only the problems faced by others, but also societal issues such as homelessness, mental health, and food insecurity, political issues like immigration, government spending, and foreign policy, and general life and living issues faced by us all such as relationships, budgeting, and raising kids.

I may think, for example, that I’m some sort of expert when it comes to raising kids, as we’ve been there and done that.  I may also think I’m an expert when it comes to budgeting since we seem to be on a good path financially right now.  And I may think I can offer some expert advice when it comes to the issue of homelessness, since we deal with some of that at the church on a regular basis.

However, when I immerse myself into the real world of these things, it doesn’t take long for me to understand that I really know very, very little about the incredible complexity of these issues and the seeming intractability of being able to solve them to any acceptable degree.

Many of these problems and issues seem to be barely manageable, let alone solvable.  They often prove to be obstinate, unwieldy, and stubborn.  Those whose job it is to work with them and try to solve them often aren’t any more or better equipped to work with them than I am, yet we look to those people to find some magic cure…some quick fix…some miraculous thing that will solve homelessness, end political polarization, and cure mental health ills.  And we’re quick to offer our own quick fixes in the event they run out of ideas.

And, we often think we have the answer if they will just listen to us.  If  you’re mentally ill, get therapy and take your meds.  If government spends too much, just cut back on the budget until it balances.  If your kids are running amok, just clamp down and put them in their place.  Let them know who is boss.

But if we’ll just stop and think about it for a moment in as much of an unbiased manner as possible, we’ll quickly understand that it isn’t that easy.  It isn’t that simple.  There is no quick fix for many of these issues.  There may not be a fix of any kind for at least some of these issues.  Yet, we often think we have the answers and self-righteously elevate ourselves into positions of knowing THE answer, even while we show our abject ignorance by spouting some kind of platitude that never has and never will help the situation.

In Proverbs 17, the wise sage said this:  “A man of knowledge restrains his words, and a man of understanding maintains a calm spirit.  Even a fool is considered wise if he keeps silent, and discerning when he holds his tongue.”

In the New Testament, James says, “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.”

These are only two of several places in the Scriptures where we are to use restraint when speaking.  Paul tells us to “Be kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one-another.”  Luke records Jesus saying that we are to “Do to others as you would have them do to you.”  Paul says in the Colossian letter, “Let your speech always be with grace…”  I’m sure that if you are at all familiar with the Bible, you can think of other places having to do with how we behave in our speech.

The next time you’re tempted to enter into someone else’s problem or inject yourself into some issue, stop and think about how much you really know about it and how much there may well be that you don’t know.  Then if you still need to speak, do so respectfully and with grace, knowing you don’t have the magic pill that solves the riddle, but that your thoughts can hopefully contribute to the discussion.

And don’t hesitate to contact your government officials, the leaders of your church, or others if you feel led to do so.  But do it with respect, knowing you know very little about the situation and are only offering an opinion, which may or may not be one that contributes to the solution.

Someone long ago said that you can’t learn anything while you’re talking.  Think about that.  Then think about what James says in the New Testament.  Be careful in your selection of what you will listen to…be quick to listen to those things that are good, true, decent, and beneficial…and be slow to speak, even when you think you may have the answer.

Those qualities are a sure sign of maturity.

Blessings,

Let Go/Let God

 Today is Thursday, the day before the Big Snow.  According to all the weather folks for the past several days, a big snow storm is due to come our way here in Kansas and points south and east.  Some areas farther south will experience, they say, extreme ice storms.  And the cold…on Saturday, they are forecasting a high of six degrees for Wichita…that’s six…just one digit.  Sunday won’t be much better with a forecast high of 11.

Now, that could all change.  We’ve seen it happen before.  Movement of just forty or fifty miles either north or south by the system low pressure center can make a big difference in how much snow or ice comes our way.  So, even though the forecasts are not always on point a couple of days before the event, we are taking precautions.  We’re discussing not holding services Sunday.  We’re working with the snow removal people.  We’re setting thermostats so things don’t freeze up in the building.

And we’re also taking some precautions personally.  Filling gas tanks.  Planning ahead.  We aren’t stocking up on tons of water, toilet paper, or food.  We have enough normally at the house for what we will need.  The wife is doing her regular weekly grocery shopping today, and I expect she’ll pick up the usual assortment of things.

I did purchase a new snow shovel yesterday, but only because the old one is indeed old, and the plastic is cracked and broken to the point that it doesn’t work very well anymore.  I’ve been intending to get one for the past several months, and have just put it off.  We have bird seed for our winter feathered friends sufficient to weather the storm.  We don’t have any place we have to be or go, so we should be OK.

I also know that from time to time I will be thinking of some of those I know who are spending their time outdoors in the cold.  I’m hopeful they will seek shelter at the Second Light facility in downtown Wichita.  However, many have mental health issues that prevent them from wanting shelter, or they have behavior issues that keep them out.  They are still people.  They are still human beings.  They still are made in the image of God.  We do what we can.  But sometimes what we can do isn’t enough.  People still become ill.  People still die.  It’s something that we sometimes have to admit that we should do what we reasonably can do and let the rest…those things, circumstances, and situations that we can’t control…go.

That works for several areas of life and living.  All too often, it seems, we try to control the outcome of something so it ends up the way we want it to end.  We become increasingly frustrated, stressed, and upset as things continue down the path we have NOT selected.  We seem to be powerless to switch the track, so to speak, to make things turn out our way.

The advice to do what we reasonably can do and give the rest to God is good advice.  We don’t know the long term.  We don’t know what’s at the end of the track.  We don’t know what God has planned and is carrying out.

Think of the story of Joseph in the Old Testament.  Hated by his older brothers, thrown down an old dry well in the desert by them…brought out of that pit and sold by his brothers to an Egyptian to be made a slave.  Later he was imprisoned for something he did not do.  Eventually, though, Joseph’s life was one that saved his entire family and the nation of Israel from a great famine and brought them into the land of Egypt to live.  Joseph’s message to his family at the end of it all was, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”

Sometimes, we need to be taught the lesson that God is indeed in charge.  We should do what we reasonably can, but we need to recognize that God ultimately controls the outcome.  And sometimes, I believe God intentionally paints us into a corner in order to get that lesson across to us AND to show us His awesome power, mercy, and work.

Whatever demons you’re fighting right now, do what you reasonably can do…then pray…pray for God’s will to be done.  And let it go and let God.

 

Blessings

Ms. Jo

 Josephine Brown, often just called “Jo”,  the first Black woman to chair the Wichita Board of Education in the 1970’s, died this past December 31 at age 96.  She won the seat during a time when the Wichita school system still had not fully implemented the Brown vs Board of Education directive to fully integrate the schools.

According to a KAKE news piece, Brown served during a pivotal time in the early 1970s as Wichita Public Schools faced pressure to desegregate and address inequities in education. Her daughter, Sheila Kinnard, said her mother spent her life advocating for fairness, community involvement and change.

Ms. Brown’s advocacy for equality didn’t end when her time on the school board ended.  Mark McCormick, in an editorial in the Kansas Reflector, said this about Brown:  “In a society expecting her to dim her light, Mrs. Jo set the night sky ablaze with searchlights.  When she confronted the yet lingering vestiges of that era, at a bank or a store, she would correct them as she might one of her tiny students.  Firmly but gracefully.”

“You don’t pay AND beg, baby,” she told me once.

This is Jay.  Think about that last line.  “You don’t pay AND beg, baby.”  I’m not a minority.  I’m as Caucasian as can be.  So what follows is in no way part of a racial issue.  Yet, even now, for me, sometimes I feel like I have to beg someone to provide the service that I either have already paid for or will be paying for.  Have you felt the same way sometimes?

Customer service is often non-existent or so difficult to come by that it takes a herculean effort to get anything done.  The automated answer is standard anymore, if there is even a phone number to call.  Pressing “0” doesn’t always get a live voice.  Emails aren’t answered.  Promises made when someone DOES contact “customer service” are not kept.  Send in this form.  FAX this in to us and we’ll take care of it.  Email us a copy of your receipt.  And on and on it goes.

“You don’t pay AND beg, baby.”

Even when dealing with someone in person it isn’t always easy to get something done.  Insurance, medical care, and government seem to be the biggest problem areas, but it’s really all over.  People who DO answer the phone are often in India or Cambodia speaking broken English from a script provided by their computer.

“You don’t pay AND beg, baby.”

So, what do you do?  You become persistent.  You do business with those who will meet your need for service.  Local and smaller is often  better.  If the business is within driving distance, go to that business rather than continuing to send emails and playing phone tag.  Determine you will receive an answer when you go, and keep at it until you do.

“You don’t pay AND beg, baby.”

Let me tell you a story from my files.  Some time ago I had the need to see a cardiologist at a cardiology clinic in Wichita.  The doctor recommended I wear a Holter monitor…a device that records various functions of the heart, for 24 hours.  I agreed.  When I checked out the monitor, I had to sign a form saying that if I didn’t bring it back in good condition that I would be liable for $1,500 reimbursement.  I agreed, and signed.

When I brought the monitor back to the office a couple of days later, I asked for a receipt showing that I had brought the monitor back.  The woman at the desk told me that they didn’t give receipts for monitors.  I repeated my request.  She repeated her response.  I repeated my request a third time.  She repeated her response a third time.

Then we just looked at each other for about 30 seconds…I assume she thought I would leave.  I didn’t.  I then said that I had to sign a paper saying I was liable for the monitor unless it was brought back, and I wasn’t going to leave until I had a receipt saying it was brought back.  Then I repeated my request, “I need a receipt showing that I brought the monitor back to the clinic.”  I remained in control, barely, and polite, barely, but firm.

“You don’t pay AND beg, baby.”

She said, “Just a minute,” and went to the back.  She came back out in a few minutes, hand-wrote a receipt, signed and dated it, and gave it to me.  I thanked her and told her the clinic needed to do this for all returns.  When I saw the doctor a few days later to review the monitor’s findings, I relayed the story to him.  I have no idea if they have begun to give receipts or not.  I do not plan on checking out another monitor, and in fact canceled the appointment I had a couple of months ago to do that very thing.

You don’t pay AND beg, baby.”

As an aside, don’t worry about my canceling that appointment…my primary care physician, following review of my medical record, tells me the testing was not necessary at this time.  I would never do anything to intentionally jeopardize my health in that way.

So, I hope you remember this little sentence that carries incredible meaning.  “You don’t pay AND beg, baby.”  Be polite.  Be controlled.  But be persistent.  Be insistent.  Don’t settle for less than what you paid for.  Whether you’re black, brown, white or something else…whether you’re a man or woman, young or old, rich or poor, rural or urban, it doesn’t matter.  Insist on good service.  Hold those you do business with accountable.  Ms Jo would be pleased.

Blessings…

Staying Grounded

 When was the last time you were really frustrated, anxious, or just plain disgusted with the way things were going for you in life and living?  If you’re like pretty much everyone else, that time wasn’t more than a few hours or days ago.  It seems that life’s frustrations bubble up out of the ground regularly…some are a little bigger than others, but they all tend to cause changes in priorities, adjustments in how we see things, and at times force us to stop everything and just concentrate on what’s happening at the time.

These blips in life can be as mild as catching a cold at an inconvenient time, or as big as a loved one suddenly passing away or some kind of natural disaster that destroys our possessions and home.  We often never know when these things will come at us, and almost as often aren’t sure how to deal with the situation that is presented to us.

Sometimes we tend to worry about what MIGHT happen in the future to the point that it becomes some kind of obsession.  When that happens, we become paralyzed with fear and anxiety.  We are afraid to move ahead in life fearing we’ll run into one or more roadblocks.  We spend our days in bed, many times literally, because we cannot face the day ahead.

So, how do we deal with the anxiety and fear?  Many of us have developed coping mechanisms which tend to ground us in reality…help us discern what is really important in life.  These things keep us “rooted,” so to speak, in the realities of the day and time.  For we who wear the name Christian, the ultimate “grounding” is looking to our God and Lord…the unchanging sovereign who has never promised to help us avoid life’s bumps and bruises, but has promised that He will be with us going through them.  “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear nothing, because you are with me.  Your rod and staff comfort me..”  So says that famous Psalm of the Old Testament…Psalm 23.  The poem ends with this:  “Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.  And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

God in his mercy has given us many and varied ways to help us keep a steady keel in life.  I recently read something that got me to thinking about what some of those things were for me.  What keeps me going?  How does God work in my life to help me navigate the uncertainties?

My author friend Kendra Broekhuis publishes a monthly blog that appears in my email.  This month, she was musing on what keeps her grounded in life during times of frustration and anxiety…times when things just aren’t going as she would have liked.  Here’s how she said it in the blog:  What’s rooting me in place—holding me steady?  What’s feeding my soul—helping me maintain a healthy perspective on my life and work?  What helps me get out of my own head in a way I can thrive through seasons of stretching, growing, and even pruning?”

Kendra then mentioned several things that help keep her grounded and “rooted,” as she says—keeping her on a steady life course.  She mentions sixteen things that help “ground” her.  I’ll read just a few of them:

 

Reading my chronological, large print Bible.

Noticing the many stray cats in our alley.

Snuggling my kids.

Hearing my kids laugh.

Praying honest prayers.

Taking a walk with a friend through a snowy park.

Sitting at my parent’s table for a late night conversation.

Brunch with my husband.

A King, born in a stable.

 

Well, you get the idea.  And this, as I said earlier, got me to thinking about myself…what keeps me grounded…what keeps me “rooted,” so to speak…what helps smooth out the bumps and bruises in life.

 

Here are a few of my own thoughts on that.

 

Sitting on our back patio any time…summer/winter, day/night…a place that faces the park woods and offers serenity.

Giving one of the grands a ride on the riding mower.

Feeding our feathered friends and watching them enjoy the seeds I put out for them.

Listening to familiar music, whether from The Messiah, Carrie Underwood, Acappella, or Peter, Paul, and Mary.

Watching videos on YouTube of generous people giving to those in need.

Appreciating the things Pat does around the house to keep things orderly.

Caring for our back yard fish pond residents.

Working alongside THE BEST church staff ever.

Knowing I have an absolutely reliable and confidential partner (Pat) in my work as an Elder and Minister.

Going for a drive in rural areas surrounding the Metro, “looking at the crops,” as Dad would say.

Receiving hugs from the grands, even if I saw them only the day before.

 

These things along with others help me to stay on course.  And these things and the people who are part of some of these things are all God-given…gifts from a benevolent and merciful Creator.

So, what keeps you grounded?  What keeps  you rooted?  What do you rely on to reset your compass…to give you a healthy perspective on life and living?

May God continue to shower His blessings on you this day as you face life’s uncertainties.