Quick to Listen..."

 I have a sheet of paper taped to my office door.  On that letter-size sheet is a circle with the words, “Someone’s problem,” inside it.  A straight line slices through the circle, cutting off a very, very small part of it.  Next to that very, very, small part are the words, “What you know about it.”  The heading at the top of the page reads, “Why you should be kind to people.”

I see that page taped to my door each time I go in or out of the office.  I can also see it from my office chair.  It’s a frequent reminder that I don’t know nearly as much a I might think I know about a lot of different things…not only the problems faced by others, but also societal issues such as homelessness, mental health, and food insecurity, political issues like immigration, government spending, and foreign policy, and general life and living issues faced by us all such as relationships, budgeting, and raising kids.

I may think, for example, that I’m some sort of expert when it comes to raising kids, as we’ve been there and done that.  I may also think I’m an expert when it comes to budgeting since we seem to be on a good path financially right now.  And I may think I can offer some expert advice when it comes to the issue of homelessness, since we deal with some of that at the church on a regular basis.

However, when I immerse myself into the real world of these things, it doesn’t take long for me to understand that I really know very, very little about the incredible complexity of these issues and the seeming intractability of being able to solve them to any acceptable degree.

Many of these problems and issues seem to be barely manageable, let alone solvable.  They often prove to be obstinate, unwieldy, and stubborn.  Those whose job it is to work with them and try to solve them often aren’t any more or better equipped to work with them than I am, yet we look to those people to find some magic cure…some quick fix…some miraculous thing that will solve homelessness, end political polarization, and cure mental health ills.  And we’re quick to offer our own quick fixes in the event they run out of ideas.

And, we often think we have the answer if they will just listen to us.  If  you’re mentally ill, get therapy and take your meds.  If government spends too much, just cut back on the budget until it balances.  If your kids are running amok, just clamp down and put them in their place.  Let them know who is boss.

But if we’ll just stop and think about it for a moment in as much of an unbiased manner as possible, we’ll quickly understand that it isn’t that easy.  It isn’t that simple.  There is no quick fix for many of these issues.  There may not be a fix of any kind for at least some of these issues.  Yet, we often think we have the answers and self-righteously elevate ourselves into positions of knowing THE answer, even while we show our abject ignorance by spouting some kind of platitude that never has and never will help the situation.

In Proverbs 17, the wise sage said this:  “A man of knowledge restrains his words, and a man of understanding maintains a calm spirit.  Even a fool is considered wise if he keeps silent, and discerning when he holds his tongue.”

In the New Testament, James says, “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.”

These are only two of several places in the Scriptures where we are to use restraint when speaking.  Paul tells us to “Be kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one-another.”  Luke records Jesus saying that we are to “Do to others as you would have them do to you.”  Paul says in the Colossian letter, “Let your speech always be with grace…”  I’m sure that if you are at all familiar with the Bible, you can think of other places having to do with how we behave in our speech.

The next time you’re tempted to enter into someone else’s problem or inject yourself into some issue, stop and think about how much you really know about it and how much there may well be that you don’t know.  Then if you still need to speak, do so respectfully and with grace, knowing you don’t have the magic pill that solves the riddle, but that your thoughts can hopefully contribute to the discussion.

And don’t hesitate to contact your government officials, the leaders of your church, or others if you feel led to do so.  But do it with respect, knowing you know very little about the situation and are only offering an opinion, which may or may not be one that contributes to the solution.

Someone long ago said that you can’t learn anything while you’re talking.  Think about that.  Then think about what James says in the New Testament.  Be careful in your selection of what you will listen to…be quick to listen to those things that are good, true, decent, and beneficial…and be slow to speak, even when you think you may have the answer.

Those qualities are a sure sign of maturity.

Blessings,