Wallowing Around

I was in kind of a funky mood earlier this afternoon, and went back to the bedroom to try to nap it off. When one is unemployed, these kinds of perks (naps) are available. I know, though, that I don’t want a permanent trade-off of naps for employment.
I was laying on the bed and my mind raced to several things that have happened in the near (past two years) past. I relived those things yet again, as I have done many times before. Those same feelings of anger, frustration, and helplessness came out yet again, just as they have before.
Then I wondered why I did this? Why do I think about these things, allowing the same old feelings to surface yet again? This exercise helps no one and only continues the funk. Nothing will be solved, and I can’t change the past. It is what it is.
Maybe I was wishing that someone would throw a pity party for me. Maybe I was wishing that I could go back and fix the things I was thinking of that went wrong. Maybe I was trying to justify what I did or didn’t do in these situations. I don’t know.
What I do know is that the exercise I went through this afternoon did not one thing to or for me or anyone else that was productive. It was time that could have been better spent fixating on the love and grace of God, the beauty of the creation, or the everlasting word, which itself says it is “a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.”
Next time I’m wallowing around in the dark, maybe I need to look around and find that lamp which lights my way.