Weekend Musings

Most weekends find me doing some soul-searching and introspection at some point during the weekend. I don’t know why, necessarily, and I don’t know what to make of it. But I find myself more and more asking questions such as “Why am I here?” I try to make sense of the beauty of the creation out my back yard and think about the amazing blessings of living here in this place at this time. I wonder what lies ahead for my wife and myself, and wonder if we really will have financial resources to retire and will God really care for us (even though it’s obvious that He has in the past and I have no reason to doubt His provision for the future).
I think about my work on the Missions committee of our church and where I need to steer the committee as its chair. I consider the interaction and fellowship we had with the church folks (or if it’s Saturday, I think with true joy about that fellowship the next day). I wonder about some of the things we did in the past and wonder how we ever made it this far. I think about our family, our boys as well as our extended family tree. In other words, over the course of a weekend, I may think “around the world” before coming to rest in the here and now on Sunday evening.
Just this evening as we were at the coffeehouse put on by our church youth, I saw some small children playing and thought of our own boys as they were that age. For just a moment, I was reliving some wondrous memories of them in their toddler years. And although those times will never come again, I think with fondness how they’ve grown and matured and have created family units of their own. The tears flow rather easily during times like this, as they are even now as I write this, thinking again about some of those times and seasons.
So, what do I make of this? Is this a sign of old age creeping up? Is it s sign that I secretly long for children again or that I wish I was 32 again? No, I don’t think so. I think it’s an acknowledgement that life is brief. It’s recognition of the incredible and astonishing blessings that have come our way in our lives here. It’s also a concession to the inexorable march of time and the promise of something much, much better than even this.
No, I don’t spend the entire weekend thus occupied. But for a few minutes each weekend, I feel like I need the grounding that this kind of mental exercise provides. I also need the strength to face the coming week and the grace to get through the days ahead. This seems to do it, and I’m grateful God has given me the intellect to not only do it, but appreciate it.