"Gratitude and grief don't have to cancel each other out. Grief for our sorrow and gratitude for God's presence live together in tangled harmony. And when we remember that truth, gratitude becomes a conscious, mindful act of worship that we can wrestle toward even when life hurts."
Good morning, and welcome.
My friend, author, mother and wife Kendra Broekhuis writes a monthly
letter she sends out via email called “Present Tense.” The paragraph I just quoted came from the
most recent of those letters.
In this month’s edition, she speaks of the tension between
gratitude and grief, and the often misunderstood nature of those two things in
life and living. When we are grieving,
we often fail to think of what I will call a corollary to grief…that is,
gratitude. What’s more, we often can’t
see how those two things…grief and gratitude…can live together in harmony with
each other. But Kendra says it’s
possible, even if that harmony is “tangled”…to use her word to describe that
relationship.
Kendra is no stranger to grief. In perhaps one of her most tragic times in
life, she and her family lost a baby to a miscarriage in 2015. The memory of little Eliza Broekhuis
sometimes becomes fresh to them all over again, even after these intervening
years. Although we have never lost a
child to a miscarriage, or in any other way for that matter, my guess is that
grieving will always be part of their lives, and that some days will be heavier
than others.
So, as a Christian she certainly has the qualifications, if
you will, to write about both grief and gratitude. It is telling that she speaks of wrestling
“toward” gratitude as a “mindful act of worship.” Dropping into a mindset of gratitude during a
period of grief isn’t a naturally-occurring, automatic thing. Sometimes one has to wrestle with the idea of
gratitude during grief, and sometimes one has to intentionally work to move
oneself toward gratitude in that wrestling period
It can sometimes be difficult…incredibly difficult…to
worship God in gratitude for His presence in our lives in the midst of
unimaginable grief and loss.
The questions always seem to arise. Why me?
Where were you, God, when this happened?
How do you expect me to go on in life and living? Why do you allow these kinds of things to
happen? And many more questions…all of
which have no pat and sure answers. Instead,
we are left with the questions…unanswered…and the unwavering presence of God
Himself telling us that He loves us and He is enough for us.
We dare not allow our questions to overtake us in despair
and unbelief. Yes, as I said, there are
no answers for the things that happen which impale us on the javelin of grief. The platitudes about a fallen world, or about
our having to bear a cross just don’t cut it in moments of grief and loss. The presence of God both within us and beside
us, however, can cut through some of the darkest of times and cause us to say,
as did Job of old in one of his darkest times, “Blessed be the name of the
Lord.”
And also notice that Kendra calls gratitude a conscious
act of worship…something intentional…something specific…something planned and
premeditated. That premeditation…that
intention…needs to be something that is inculcated into our beings…our daily
lives. Such that when grief comes, and
it assuredly will come to all of us from time to time, we will at the same time
be able to worship in gratitude for the presence and comfort of the God of
Heaven and Earth, even in the midst of our suffering and grief.
Grief and gratitude…strange bedfellows in the minds of
many. May you learn, along with Kendra, to
worship in gratitude for the presence of God even in the face of overwhelming
grief and loss.
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