Not Too Early

“I am so tired!” That’s a statement I hear more than I care to hear…not from staff at work…not from my wife…not from myself. I heard it again just today. A daughter of a resident in our nursing home (where I work) was talking with our social worker today, in obvious distress. Her father had been in our care for some time, and is probably in his last days and weeks of life. The family has been very supportive of their loved one, and his care needs, while physically are being met by us, are still great upon this family. The stress that is placed upon this daughter is evident.
I feel greatly for families in this situation. Even though their loved one is being cared for as best we can, there is still great stress and strain upon the family and upon the relationships in that family. People age many years in just a relatively few months. The best (and worst) in familial relationships many times comes out into the open, sometimes for the first time.
Yes, sometimes families bring on added stress by virtue of choices, present and past, that may not have been the best (or just plain bad). But many times there is just the strain of caring for a loved one in the last stages of life, attending to their needs and trying to be strong while they hold things together, juggle responsibilities, maintain their own families, and make decisions. Sometimes families work together in these situations; sometimes one family member has it all thrust upon him or her.
I have to wonder sometimes just how productive it is to lengthen life, given that it often comes with diminished quality and frequently ages the caregivers in the family unit far beyond the chronological calendars. I don’t advocate euthanasia at all, but believe there must be some way to make informed, moral, intelligent decisions regarding medical care.
Families also need to be proactive and develop good relationships, plan ahead, and be ready for the time when mom and dad, or older brother, or whoever, may be in such condition as to require care in a facility or some such. To not do so is to be in denial of the inevitable, and is not a loving response to family and friends.
We all have trials. We all have crosses to bear. To do so with grace, dignity, and appropriate action is a worthy goal which requires some thought and planning. Now is not too early.